Many people believe that anger is a negative emotion that should be suppressed at all costs. This belief arises from a confusion. Most of us confuse normal healthy anger with rage which is negative, destructive and unhealthy emotion because, at some point, as children, we will have experienced a parent or carer display rage and we have been frightened by it or we have expressed frustration and been punished for it. Therefore, we learn very quickly to hold anger in which has a devastating effects on our health and well-being.
Anger is the messenger that tells us we are experiencing underlying emotions such as fear, anxiety, shock, pain or jealousy. It is an important and necessary emotion as it allows us to develop boundaries and tells us that we are not comfortable with being treated disrespectfully, or that someone is invading our space or overriding our opinion. It is important to immediately express those feelings kindly and gently. It is counterproductive to leave it to stew and then yell and scream; we are then considered as unreasonable or unstable and our feelings are discounted. However, if we speak out immediately by saying ‘That is an interesting opinion and I hear what you are saying. However, it doesn’t sit well with me as I feel ….’ or ‘What do you mean when you say…… because I am feeling undermined by that and I am sure that can’t be the case’. No-one will take exception to calmly stated statements such as that that and your voice will be heard.
Obviously, we have applied the ‘put up and shut up’ approach for most of our life so now we have a new habit to break. Does it ever end? Well, just know it is just a learned response and, as well as you learned it, it you can unlearn it. All it takes is practice and a little help. The first time you say ‘No’, without using the word ‘No’ of course, you will feel nervous to say the least.
When asked to do something, you don’t want to do, you can say ‘Oh I wished I had known earlier because of course I would help you but I have an appointment at that time which I cannot break. However, I can see you on Tuesday at the local café and we can have a chat then’.
There you have it! You have said ‘No’ without using the word and put forward what you are willing to do at a time that suits you. How easy was that? The other person is so busy looking forward to the Tuesday catch-up that they forget what they wanted in the first place, you’re off the hook and everyone is happy.
Still feel nervous? Here are a few crystals that will help the process
Carnelian calms anger and helps to ground you to the Earth so that you can think rationally and not react with intense emotions. Think of Carnelian as a preventative.
Amethyst is a wonderful crystal to have handy which helps to release stress, anxiety and anger
Sugilite helps to eliminate hostility, anger, abrasiveness, jealousy and prejudice. It brings peace and relaxation to the user.
Diopside is a beautiful green crystal and acts as a reminder that health issues arise when we repress emotion. When we face these issues, as challenging and sometimes difficult as they may be, we need to remember it is in our best interest to let go. Diopside helps us to address the questions, ‘Why are you holding on? What does it serve to hold on to anger and fear?’
Blue Kyanite calms and dispels anger and frustration, removes energy blockages and releases repressed emotion.
Any of these crystals can be carried as small crystal or worn as jewellery. They are most effective when placed in contact with the skin.